Behind The Illness

This will be open frank post, I need to be honest as so many times people see pictures on instagram think you life is great or somewhat together. When really for me the pics above is true representation of me, however you cannot see the hot water that is beside me. Being in constant pain, everything tires me out, the dining out pics I have on instagram afterwards I get home I am exhausted, usually nap. With different health problems that's going on besides the norm, I go onto facebook to have my moan, then I see another person is pregnant and part of me is sadden, I be turning 30 this year and making me reflect even more, I wanted of achieved so much for myself, motherhood, a career, a home I bought. None of them I have achieved and does get me down, no one congratulates you for getting up each day, living on through the pain, so many times when I have seizures I ask can you take me now, so I don't have to suffer anymore, however it does strengthens me. And I completely understand I'm in no means in worse case scenario, I'm not dying or anything like that.

Just don't want to be invisible just like my illness is, will continue to be inspired to those who keep fighting, achieving their goals regardless of the struggle. I hope one day I can inspire somebody.

Honestly hitting the post button making me somewhat anxious will anyone even read this, or comment, as open myself. However someone out there might be feeling the same or similar, just know you not alone, hugs. x

PS- Yes I do snuggle with a teddy.

Dazed And Confused.

Looking through my pics I saw this one and knew straight away needed to use this one, thankfully I've not used this specific photo before on my blog. Honestly you can feel lost in this blogging community, I would love to go blogging events and events in general meet people, have that interaction. But it's difficult when you can't travel places, I don't have anyone to go can you come all the way to my area then travel to the place providing it's a train not a tube, oh and by the way if you see my eyes rolling or my breathing is funny to sit me down, make sure drink water and take meds if need be. Like really who want's to do that.

Also like Ashleigh in her blog post click here I just don't feel happy (although for me I don't truly know what happiness is, TRUE HAPPINESS), that's not to knock other emotions as there is so many. My spark my mojo for art has taken a dip AGAIN, I need a holiday regroup, different environment from the norm. Also one of my new meds is messing up my concentration, which suffered before anyway but yeah damn side effects. Before people jump on me say just go on holiday, I would go now if I could go alone even if it was just to the coast or something. Who wouldn't want to go abroad, but even all that comes with complications, ugh sigh...

I do feel like I am in catch 22, I am not disabled to where I am in wheelchair but I use crutch to walk around but standing up and walking distances is a problem, so fall into middle ground almost like lost land, can't really articulate it into words how it is, I know people with illnesses will understand where I am coming from. It's not only a physical thing but real mental game, which can just leave you dangling dazed and confused.

Really sorry if this blog post was all over the place, I just needed to express myself, this is my little outlet.

Boo Who!

Sorry pre warn you this isn't a sunny fashion happy go lucky blog post. My moods are more erratic due to my stupid stubbornness of not getting one of my medication that ran out, that's long story, and no it isn't the ones that treat my manic depression. And due to personal things why I am a bit odd lately. Plus of course living with fibromyalgia just the invisible best friend that I don't want..

Seeing events on my time line (twitter), group meetings, I feel so removed from social things. Never knew needing rest so much would be part of my every day schedule. I just need to have little moan, don't worry I be back to Loopy again, just right now feeling a bit more sensitive. Any body wanna take me out? (none sexual way haha).

End Of The Year. Random But Short!!

I won't be doing New Year Resolution's post, as I feel my life is forever changing, whether it's me having less anxiety, less falls, less flare ups more flare ups. Accepting more and more of my condition (fibromyalgia), working around it, knowing that my depression can be handled or at least not to take it to that next level of suicide. Being more open, if you was to talk to my family& friends they would tell you I am strong person, so I shall try to embrace compliments. Ideally of course I would like to be slim, but that takes time, and to be honest there isn't a rush for it, my health comes first meaning I have to work around my illness. Also in my defense I gained a lot of weight because of the treatment (meds) I had, thankfully not on them any more, I am on different medication. Ok this sounds a bit like New Year Resolutions opps, haha.

Little steps for others have been my biggest steps for me. Whether 2012 is better or is the same as 2011 I am just grateful I can step out my front door, get out of my own bed without needing help. Able to do the little things when I can.

For any body reading this, appreciate what you have, not what you going to gain.

Lots of Love
Lucy
xx

HK And Me

Hello Kitty and me, buddies till the end. Sleeps in my bed, oh yes it does. It's my snuggle buddy when I'm feeling really ill, and oh worries me feelings haha. Of course decor for my bed to. Also have another teddy, but Fraser is unavailable at the moment, having a snooze. I am aware I sound like loony tune, grown woman in her 20's talking about teddies, hey just because I am adult doesn't mean you have to lose your inner child.