Coming Or Going

My presence online hasn't been much as normal, can't say my life has been crazy hectic that's why, however just been ill a lot recently with other things, nothing life threatening don't worry, no "don't cry for me Argentina" moments. And if I'm honest my mood is like don't know if I am coming or going. My confidence as whole, self doubting myself hugely, but at the same time still determined, strange, right. I started this blog as wanted outlet for myself, somewhere I could escape, distraction and to put forward portfolio of me. I've been hesitate to blog because feel myself prejudging so much, instead of just letting it be. As they say we are our biggest critic. I needed to do this blog post as it's cathartic, yes my confidence is low, but it's working progress, however still don't take for granted the support I have, as too many times we see the perfect imagery of people's lives, with me I want to be open, whether it's me in my hospital gown, having a moan, or celebrating the good times, for me I want to be diverse.

The picture above taken when I was in Folkstone, just how my mood is the tide coming in and out, symbolises the mood, also the beauty of the sea, seeing beauty within yourself, wow, deep, not taken my antibiotics yet so I'm not trippy, haha.

Hows your mood?

My Rant.. Anxiety Fakeness

Made a video explaining my thoughts on certain subject, watch and see, let me know your thoughts?!

Dazed And Confused.

Looking through my pics I saw this one and knew straight away needed to use this one, thankfully I've not used this specific photo before on my blog. Honestly you can feel lost in this blogging community, I would love to go blogging events and events in general meet people, have that interaction. But it's difficult when you can't travel places, I don't have anyone to go can you come all the way to my area then travel to the place providing it's a train not a tube, oh and by the way if you see my eyes rolling or my breathing is funny to sit me down, make sure drink water and take meds if need be. Like really who want's to do that.

Also like Ashleigh in her blog post click here I just don't feel happy (although for me I don't truly know what happiness is, TRUE HAPPINESS), that's not to knock other emotions as there is so many. My spark my mojo for art has taken a dip AGAIN, I need a holiday regroup, different environment from the norm. Also one of my new meds is messing up my concentration, which suffered before anyway but yeah damn side effects. Before people jump on me say just go on holiday, I would go now if I could go alone even if it was just to the coast or something. Who wouldn't want to go abroad, but even all that comes with complications, ugh sigh...

I do feel like I am in catch 22, I am not disabled to where I am in wheelchair but I use crutch to walk around but standing up and walking distances is a problem, so fall into middle ground almost like lost land, can't really articulate it into words how it is, I know people with illnesses will understand where I am coming from. It's not only a physical thing but real mental game, which can just leave you dangling dazed and confused.

Really sorry if this blog post was all over the place, I just needed to express myself, this is my little outlet.

Vlog Blog

I know the quality is crap, just don't have the energy to get out my camera out, set it up etc, I just wanted to talk and express myself.

Lets chat x

Portrait Of Life

Living with chronic illnesses is draining mentally and physically. Often wishing I could just switch it off, have peace. I can't remember last time I've been to social event. That's why I can't exactly blog about events or social things as truth be told I don't go out. So I concentrate on what I can do, my little platform of creativity.

Hope you like my little photography, and I finally have camera to play around with as you can see, an old camera that was given to me but still in good working condition so yay.

PS- Note I am not fishing for oh poor you, just you to enjoy the pics. xx